


The Holossey

by Bob12



Category: Berserk, Dark Souls, Dark Souls III, Nazi - Fandom, fascism - Fandom, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: Abortion, Alexander Hamilton is George Washington's Biological Son, Alternate Universe - Jewish, Anal Beads, Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Anal Gaping, Anal Play, Anal Plug, Anal Probing, Anal Sex, Animal Abuse, Animal Death, Animal Transformation, Animal on human rape, Bestiality, Black Character(s), Black Male Character, Blood Kink, Canon Autistic Character, Canon Gay Relationship, Child Abuse, Crossdressing Kink, Daddy Kink, Dismemberment, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, Domestic Violence, Dominance, Double Anal Penetration, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Emu Curse, Everyone Is Gay, Extremely Underage, Fat Shaming, Father/Son Incest, Forced Abortion, Forced Masturbation, Gandhi did nothing he just sat around like a dipshit, Gang Rape, Gay, Gay For You, Gay Male Character, Gay Panic, Gay Rights, Gay Sex, George Lopez's ballsack, Giant Spiders, Golden Age (Berserk), Harm to Animals, Hitler did nothing wrong, Incest, Incest Kink, Interspecies Relationship(s), Jewish Holidays, LGBTQ Jewish Character(s), M/M, Masturbation, Mind Rape, Multi, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Oral Sex, Other, Parent/Child Incest, Public Masturbation, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Rough Body Play, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Roughness, Scat, Sex with Sentient Animals, Sexual Abuse, Sexy, Shrek is Love Shrek is Life, Sibling Incest, Size Kink, Tentacle Rape, Truxicans, Uncircumcised Penis, Underage Drug Use, Underage Masturbation, Underage Prostitution, Underage Rape/Non-con, Underage Sex, Verbal Abuse, White Privilege, Wing Kink, Winston Churchill's uncircumcised penis, black jews, dismemberment fetish, samurai honor, thot slaying, violent rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-12
Updated: 2019-03-12
Packaged: 2019-11-16 06:10:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18088916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bob12/pseuds/Bob12
Summary: Adolf Hitler and his crew of thot slayers embark on an epic journey to stop and defeat the villainous Anne Frank. Along the way they fight many beasts and traverse many lands.





	The Holossey

Sing in me, muse, the tale of a mighty fuhror and the dirty Jew girl!  
One day, the mighty Hideki Tojo traveled to the filthy island of the Jews.  
Upon his arrival, he was instructed to speak to the leader of the Jews, Rothschild.  
“But this man has killed six million of us! You cannot expect us to release him!”, said the filthy Jew rat, but the mighty Hideki Tojo squared up, and bellowed “You cannot speak to me filthy Jew cunt mouth!”, and spat all over his filthy Jew rat face. Rothschild removed the glasses from his face, and wiped the copious amount of spit from his face. He said “Unless you have authorization from Churchill, we cannot release him!”. Tojo laughed at the stupid Jew, and produced his authorization as quickly as Jew rats were produced. Now, the inbred Jew had no choice but to allow the release of his greatest enemy. Tojo turned around, and headed back to his boat. He stopped, and saw the fuhror, sulking by the ocean, in despair that he had not seen the fatherland for seven long years.  
The next day, Rothschild invited the fuhror to his chambers, and said “Adolf, Winston Churchill has sent us a warning that we must exile you from this island within a week, or he will rape all of our children”. The mighty hero thought about what the Jew rat had said for a moment, and responded, saying “Is this yet another trick, O jewy one?”, and his voice was remarkably strong for a man who had not spoken in seven years. His once beautiful moustache had not been shaved in seven years, and it was now a long, grotesque beard. Also, he had not bathed in seven years. Rothschild stammered, and said “No, Adolf, this is unfortunately not a trick, you are now a free man. You are also cleared of your reputation within the Jew counsel”. Adolf looked around for a moment, puzzled, and suddenly became ecstatic. He dropped to his knees, and prayed to the god of fuhrors, and said “Oh thank you, great one! I had begun to doubt you when you left me on the island of the Jews, but I have learned…”. Rothschild leaned in, and said “Yes Adolf, what have you learned?”. Our great and mighty hero firmly responded, saying “I have learned the error of my ways!”. Rothschild smirked, and said “That's very good Adolf, and what wrong have you done?”. Adolf thought for a long moment, and shouted “I was too easy on the goddamn kikes!”. Rothschild continued smirking, and said “That's good Ado- Wait, what?”. It was then that our mighty hero pulled his bindings apart, grabbed the filthy Jew Rothschild, and bit his ear of, then his lips, then his other ear and his eyeballs! The filthy Jew rat shouted “OH MY MOSUS HE'S EATING MY FACE! HELP ME YOU STUPID CUNTS!”. The filthy Jew guards knocked the door down and ran into the chamber, only to be perplexed by the greatness of our hero and fuhror. He stood, strongly, his beard caked in blood and Rothschild’s eyeball caught in his moustache, and shouted “COME AND GET ME, KIKES!”. The filthy Jew guards took aim, but the fuhror was swift on his feet, and jumped out the window before they could fire. They looked out the window, only to find that the fuhror had landed on a horse! Our hero rode through the Jew town, sword in hand, and lopped off a Jew woman's head. Then, he rode into an orphanage and slaughtered all of the Jew children since he was so great! The filthy Jew guards attempted to stop him, but they were too slow for the godlike fuhror, and he chopped them to bits! Then, he put his wiener down their stumps and filled their bodies with his mighty fuhror urine! But then, Rothschild popped out of the bushes and raised his pistol, but the mighty fuhror pulled a sniper rifle out of his asshole and 360 quick-scoped him! The fuhror was victorious, and he promptly pulled his wiener out and peed all over Rothschild’s corpse. Our hero began dancing and laughing victoriously, in a totally non-creepy way. He was incredibly thin, as he had not eaten in seven years. He realized this, and so he victoriously pulled a knife out of his anal cavity, and began to cut off Rothschild’s fingers, one by one. Then, he put them inside of his nostrils and put his mouth to Rothschild’s mouth. Then, he sucked Rothschild’s tongue out and ate it. It was then that he looked to his left, out to the ocean, and saw his U-boat waiting for him. He boarded his vessel, and proceeded back to Germany, with news of defeat after so many years.  
Adolf had been boating for three weeks straight, with no rest. You may think that the honorable fuhror was discouraged, but he was not. Day in and day out, he prayed to the god of fuhrors, he prayed for his safe return to the fatherland and for the punishment of the Jew girl. However, this angered the god of the Jews, and he planned to swiftly smite Adolf. One day, our hero was standing atop the submarine when he noticed something in the water, a woman. The woman was not a Jew pig, but a strong Aryan woman. She had the upper body of a human, but the tail of a fish. Adolf put on his reading glasses, to be sure that his eyes had not failed him. The mermaid said to him “O mighty one, I bring word from the god of fuhrors. The filthy Jew god wishes you to be slaughtered, like a Jew. However, my master, the god of fuhrors, has sent me to save your life”. She handed him a cloak, and said “Here, my hero, take this. Jump from the boat, and it shall save your life”. Adolf attempted to question her, but she swam away before he could respond. He rapped the cloak around his person, and prepared to jump into the water. However, he quickly realized that the mermaid must have been a trickster. Mermaids were known to be tricksters, after all. He decided to stay upon his vessel, but he remained worried that he had ignored a message from the gods. Several hours passed, and our hero noticed a storm brewing ahead, one bad enough to kill even a mighty hero, on such a rubbish vessel. He moved back inside of the submarine, in an attempt to shelter himself. However, the mighty Jew storm quickly overtook the boat, and it began to flood. Quickly, the windows broke, quickly flooding the chamber with water. Adolf now realized that he had no choice, rapped himself in the cloak, and jumped out the window.  
Adolf was prepared to drown, but at the last second before he was submerged, he began flying, and landed on a mysterious island. He was extremely tired, he crawled onto the beach, wrapped himself in the cloak and attempted to sleep. He smelt his arm pit, and immediately fell unconscious.  
Anna Lisa Berkling, the soon to be queen of Sweden, awoke one morning to find a strange looking man stranded on the beach, outside of her father's castle. He was very thin and dirty looking, and in a strange way, he reminded her of her hero, Adolf Hitler. As any good Swedish woman would, she had her servants carry him to the castle, where he was to be treated with hospitality. Many Swedish citizens saw the princess walking near such a handsome man, and they wondered if this was to be their new king. Eventually, they reached the castle gates, and they dragged the man inside. They threw him in a bed, where he slept for the next three days.  
One morning, the handsome guest finally awoke, to find himself in the castle of a king. At first, he believed this to be the antics of the Jew god, and jumped from the bed, dagger in hand. However, a beautiful young woman walked through the door, and said “O sir, please do not resort to violence in the home of my father's fathers, or I shall be forced to have my men cut your wiener off, fry it, shove it up your butthole and then pee on your butt”. Adolf had always feared having his wiener cut off, fried, and shoved up his butthole, so he threw the dagger down. He said “Tell me, is your father a Jew?”. She smiled, and said “Jews are not allowed in these lands, O mighty hero”. Then, she said “Come, my father has invited you to dine with us”. Adolf followed her into the great hall, to find Per Albin Hansson, the king of Sweden, and all of his family, waiting for him at a large table. King Hansson said “Come, noble one, dine with us”, in a booming voice. Adolf sat down, and began eating his portion of baked Jew brains. Adolf asked Hansson “So, it is true that Jews are not allowed here?”. Hansson laughed a hearty laugh, and said “No, my friend, all of our Jews have been gassed”. Adolf breathed a sigh of relief, and it was then that the god of fuhrors decided that our hero’s disguise was no longer needed. The god of fuhrors restored Adolf to his former glory, moustache and all, before Hansson’s very eyes. Hansson instantly died of a heart attack before the fuhror’s awesomeness, and Berkling gawked at the man's amazing coolness. She said “My god…Hitler?”. Adolf laughed a mighty laugh, heartier than Hansson’s, and said “It is me, Adolf Hitler. I have finally returned from my expedition. Now, sing in me, muse, the tale of the mighty fuhror and the dirty Jew girl.  
It was many years ago, I was seated, comfortably, in my chair, speaking to Fegelein, when Himmler stormed into the room, shouting ‘Mein fuhror, the Jew girl, the THOT Anne Frank, has escaped!”. I took off my reading glasses, slowly, and with shaking hands, and shouted “WHY THE FUCK IS IT THAT EVERYTIME I LOOK AWAY A JEW ESCAPES?”. Himmler became worried, and said “But mein fuhror, we have gassed six million in the past few years!”. I replied saying “BUT MY K/D STILL ISN'T AS HIGH AS STALIN’S!”. In the corner of the room, a gestapo muttered under his breath, “What a noob…”. I heard this, and walked over to the gestapo. He began to sweat, and I said “Do you eat challah?”. He attempted to speak, and stuttered, saying “What?”. I shouted “DO YOU FUCKING EAT CHALLAH?”. He began stammering and spitting, saying “What…I don't…”. I laughed, saying “I was just joking, boy!”. The gestapo uttered a sigh of relief, and began laughing. “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”, he said. It was then that I extended my finger and shoved it up his urethra and tore his dingus in half vertically and he fell to the ground only to choke on his own blood. I stonped downward, into his head. His blood spurted all over the room, all over Fegelein and Himmler, and myself. It began spurting from his ears, eyes, nose and mouth. I said “I hate Jews!”, and smashed his brain out of his forehead, and he vomited his own blood and drowned in it. I wiped the blood off of my suit with a handkerchief, and said “Set a course, gentlemen, we sail to the island of the Jews tomorrow, to find the Jew THOT. Assemble the thot patrol”.  
The next day, a U-boat was prepared along with rations and Jew repellent. Along with me I took the thot patrol, Himmler, Goebbels, Fegelein, Ziegler, Barbie, Blobel, and Dirlewanger. Everyone in Germany waved us farewell, shouting ‘Dicks out for Harambe!’. We waved back, shouting ‘LOL PC MASTER RACE!’, when I noticed that Dirlewanger had not joined in. Later, I found him in the cabin, sulking. I sat down beside him, and asked ‘Dirlewanger, why do you sit here in woe, rather than celebrate the Aryan master race?’. Dirlewanger wiped his eyes with his handkerchief, and said ‘Mein fuhror, I sulk because there are no cars to steal’. Ziegler heard this, and said ‘Mein fuhror, the small island known as Russia is nearby, they have many cars to steal and many women to rape. Shall we anchor there?’, Barbie said ‘Mein fuhror, please consider this proposition!’. I thought about this for a moment, and decided that since the men were so adamant about it, I would allow it. That night, at midnight, we anchored near Moscow, not foreseeing the consequences of this foolish raid. The men grabbed shovels and as many Jew repellent cans and condoms as they could, and ran out of the boat, into the Moscow suburb, shouting ‘FOR HARAMBE!’. Dirlewanger and Barbie ran straight to the houses, shovels in hand. They knocked a Russian peasant’s door down, grabbed him by the shirt collar, and drug him into the backyard. Ziegler dug a hole in the ground, and Barbie promptly threw him into it. The peasant attempted to get out, but was stopped when the mature and superior Aryan men began burying him alive, shouting ‘DANK KEK, DANK KEK!’. Blobel, pistol in hand, walked into a school, and began shooting children, shouting ‘YOLO LOL’. As I would later learn, it was then that Stalin would hear of the impressive school shooting. Goebbels and Himmler sat in a tree with binoculars, twisting their moustaches as they watched a woman undress. Fegelein and I decided to take the most important job of all, and TP Stalin's house. I said to Fegelein ‘THAT BASTARD WITH HIS HIGH K/D! THIS WILL TEACH HIM!’. Fegelein looked worried, and said ‘Mein fuhror, what if Stalin declares war upon Germany again?’. I shouted ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP, FEGELEIN!’. Shortly after the TP’ing of Stalin's house, Fegelein and I returned to shore. Goebbels greeted us, saying ‘MEIN FUHROR, LOL, IT WAS A SUCCESSFUL HARAMBE’. I replied, saying ‘Of course it was, you fucking retard’. Then, Ziegler unloaded all of the marijuana from the boat, saying ‘LOL 420 BLAZE IT’. I pulled my bong out and began smoking some Jamaican grass, but it was then that Fegelein expressed his worry, saying ‘Mein fuhror, we shouldn't get high! What if Stalin is preparing for a retaliatory attack?’. I replied, saying ‘Shut the fuck up, Fegelein!”. All seven of us Aryan gods got high as fuck, excluding Fegelein, because he's a faggot. It was then, however, that the pig, Stalin, initiated a surprise attack. We Aryans were simply sifting around, getting high, when a giant green monster jumped at us from the bush. It said ‘GET OUT OF MY SWAMP!’. Stalin had sent his most feared soldier, Shrek. Barbie attempted to punch him, but Shrek grabbed his arm and broke it. Barbie screamed in pain, but it only fueled the beast’s rage. He smacked Goebbels, knocking him ten niggafeet into the air. Then, Blobel removed his pistol from the holster, and shot Shrek in the chest. Shrek roared in pain, and threw an onion at Blobel, knocking him a hundred niggafeet away. Fegelein attempted to wrestle him, but Shrek was successful. He bent Fegelein over, and Fegelein spread his butt cheeks, eager to show his devotion for Shrek. Shrek thrusted him for two hours straight, and blew his oniony load into him. Then, Shrek looked me in the eyes, and said “It's all ogre now”, and he flew away. I said “WHAT THE FUCK?”, and we sat there until morning.  
Later, we got back on the boat and set course for the island of the Jews. I was all like “Fegelein, are you gay now?”. And Fegelein was all like “Stfu I was raped”. This continued until much later into the day, when Himmler looked out the window and noticed a small island. He said “MEIN FUHROR, WE MUST STOP THERE!”. I did not see why, but I did as he asked. Himmler nearly jumped out of the boat, and onto the island, sprinting as fast as he could. The other six men and I struggled to keep up with him, and we nearly collapsed from exhaustion when we reached Himmler’s destination. He said “Look, mein fuhror, fidget spinners!”. I stopped panting, and shouted “FUCKING FIDGET SPINNERS?”. I looked up, and saw a massive pile of fidget spinners, spanning for as far as the eye could see. Ziegler, Barbie, and Blobel joined Himmler, and jumped into the infinite span of fidget spinners. I commanded Dirlewanger and Goebbels to remove their fellow Aryans from the fidget spinners, but Himmler shouted “YOU FUCKING CUNT! I'D RATHER DIE THAN BE FORCED FROM MY FIDGET SPINNERS!”. Himmler pulled a grenade from his pocket, and said “LEAVE ME WITH THE FIDGET SPINNERS OR I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU NIGGERS!”. I said “Himmler, you were once a most reasonable man, I had no idea that you were retarded”. Himmler unpinned the grenade, and shouted “YOU FUCKING CHINK!”. However, before he could throw it, Blobel shot Himmler in the face, killing him and splattering his brains all over the place. I said “Thank you, Blobel, your idiocy saved us for once”. Blobel replied, saying “Thank you, mein fuhror!”. We returned to the boat, now seven men rather than eight.  
While we were busy being cool and Aryan, one day, Dirlewanger said “Mein fuhror, I was on pornhub and then Winston Churchill texted me, he says that king George called you a bitch!”. I was all like “Fuck king George, let's kill him!”. We boated to Britain, and docked, armed to the teeth. Then, we marched to the Royal Palace in London. Two days later, we finally arrived. The men used a battering ram to knock the massive doors down, and they opened fire into the massive room. I ordered Ziegler to search the corpses and identify George and Churchill. However, ten minutes later, he said “Mein fuhror, they are not here!”. I replied in a modest fashion, saying “Fuck you, you incompetent fuck!”, and I shot him in the head, killing him. However, even with no leads, I, fuhror of Germany, knew where the British dogs were. The next day, we travelled to a large cave, on the other side of the British isles. Dirlewanger was all like “Mein fuhror, why the fuck are we here?”. I simply replied with, “Shut the fuck up, Dirlewanger!”. Five years ago, I was hiking in the British isles and I came across this cave. I walked in, and found George VI making love to a sheep. He was all like “What the fuck, why you here nigger?”. I laughed, and threatened to expose him. In exchange for my lack of explanation to the public, George VI’s gay lover gave me a blow job. When we entered the cave this time, however, we witnessed a significantly stranger sight. George VI was laying on his back, with his penis in his hands. Churchill was sitting on his face, and releasing fecal matter into his mouth. While Churchill was doing this, he was fingering his anal cavity with one hand and stroking his penis with his other hand. Churchill said “Hah, I suppose that you have discovered our rendezvous point!”. Churchill stood up, showing everyone his abnormally large and grotesque penis. It was covered in warts, pimples, and blisters. A sort of puss was coming out from his uncircumcised skin. George VI then said “Would you care to join us, fine German gentlemen?”. Too stunned to move, none of us decent men made a movement. Churchill was fast on his niggafeet and grabbed Fegelein. Churchill whispered in his ear “Do you know how to wrestle?”, and he threw Fegelein to the ground. Then, he grabbed his deformed genitals and thrusted them into Fegelein’s mouth. Churchill began thrusting Fegelein’s throat, and George VI began stroking his own penis. George VI’s penis was rather small, in contrast to Churchill’s. It was, however, covered in hair and psoriasis infected skin. Then, George VI busted a nut into the air, which was then caught in the mouth of Churchill. Then, Churchill’s penis came out Fegelein’s anal cavity. Churchill proceeded to rip Fegelein’s anus in half, and then he came all over George VI’s face. Then, he pulled out of Fegelein’s throat, tearing Fegelein in half and killing him. Churchill proceeded to cum all over Fegelein’s corpse, and he then began stroking George VI’s penis. George VI said “Oh! I-I'm so h-horny!”. George VI pushed Churchill aside and grabbed Dirlewanger. George VI began sucking Dirlewanger’s penis. Dirlewanger began to moan, but then, George VI bit down; Dirlewanger screamed in agony, and blood was spurting from his stump where his penis used to be. George VI proceeded to swallow Dirlewanger’s blood, and he spat it all over Churchill’s penis. Dirlewanger fell to the ground, incapacitated from the pain. Churchill took a small yet sharp knife from his pocket, and inserted it into Dirlewanger’s stomach. He then began cutting his stomach open, as Dirlewanger screamed and George VI laughed hysterically. Once he had been gutted, Churchill reached into his open cavity and pulled out his intestines. Churchill proceeded to put his penis in the intestines, and have sex with them. While Churchill was busy having sex with Dirlewanger’s intestines, George VI inserted his penis into Dirlewanger’s open stomach. Dirlewanger screamed in pain, until George VI finished inside of him with his nasty British jizz, blowing him apart and killing him. Churchill then came all over the now deceased Dirlewanger’s intestines. Churchill rose up, and said “Now, gentlemen, who's next?”, and at this proposition, we Aryans proceeded to run away, bravely. However, before we could leave, George VI blocked the exit with a massive boulder. He said, “Where are you going, tough guys? I love tough guys!”, we began backing away from him, but Churchill approached us from behind. Then, I pulled a bottle of absinthe from my pocket. I handed it to George VI, knowing that British men couldn't handle such a beverage. George VI began drinking it, and soon passed out. Churchill gaped in awe, and grabbed the bottle. He drank the rest of it, and passed out as well. Barbie sighed in relief, and said “Mein fuhror, what will we do?”, I replied, “Shut the fuck up! I have a plan”. I pulled a 2×4 out of my pocket, and in one swift motion, rendered my companions unconscious. I used a roll of duck tape to tape them to Churchill’s penis. I taped myself to George VI’s penis. The next morning, George VI and Churchill awoke with a hangover. Churchill stood up, and said “I don’t know ‘bout you, Georgie, but my penis feels like three men are taped to it!”. Churchill walked outside, where my companions cut themselves loose and escaped the premises. When Churchill reentered, I cut myself loose from George VI’s penis and made my presence known. I said “I am the fuhror of Germany! I cannot allow you to get away with killing my men!”. I unzipped my pants, and pulled my penis out. It was longer than Churchill’s and George’s combined. They gasped, and I shouted “Ungird!”. I rushed at George VI, but he parried my attack with his penis. He proceeded to use this opportunity to attempt to stab me, but I parried the attack and threw him to the ground. I attempted to stab him before he could get up, but he pushed me aside and rose to his feet. He charged at me, but in his lack of caution, I stabbed him. My penis went all the way through him, killing him. I threw his corpse aside, and readied myself to fight Churchill. However, Churchill had fallen asleep. I took this opportunity to stab him in the eye with my penis. He screamed in pain, and I ran away. He attempted to chase me, but tripped and fell. He shouted “Fuck you, Hitler! Oh, God of Jews! Kill all of the fuhror’s men and return him to Germany on strange sail!”. I ran back to London, and reunited with my companions. They were all like “Wut tha fucc”, and I informed them that George VI was bad at penis fencing. We returned to the boat.  
A month later, we reached the East. We were now closer to the island of the Jews than ever. However, everyone had to urinate really badly. Therefore, we had no choice but to stop on the god of fuhror’s island. We pulled into port, and we were given a welcoming from Jew slaves. The Jew slave greeted me, saying “Welcome, mein fuhror!”. Before he could continue, however, I threw him into the water. He attempted to scream for help, but sharks quickly came and tore out his entrails; then, they proceeded to eat them. It was custom in this country to kill Jews; for it was the island of the fuhror god and his Jews. We proceeded onto the mainland, and toward the god of fuhrors’s palace. “A rather odd place…”, Barbie related to Blobel. They surveyed the surrounding area; dead Jews were everywhere, “Mein Kampf” was written on the wall in Jew blood. Suddenly, Goebbels shouted “Mein god! The fuhror has gone missing!”. It was very true, I was nowhere to be found; where was I, you may ask? I'm not sure. My companions ventured on without me, and were eventually greeted by a massive door. It was at least five hundred niggafeet tall, and a group of Jews were struggling to open it. They waited, and entered the palace of the god of fuhrors. They looked upon his greatness, and they totally didn't say “Isn't that just Hitler with a hat?”. The god of fuhrors looked upon the mere peasant mortals, and pulled out his wiener. He began stroking his wiener, and said “Why have you mere Aryans come to my realm?”. He looked strikingly similar to my own physicality, but he's totally not me pretending to be the god of fuhrors. Atop his godly head, he wore a cool and totally not silly hat. It was a massive, grandiose cone; covered in grapes and oranges. They attempted to reply to the god, but before they could, he spoke again. He asked, “Did you save Harambe?”. They replied with “no,”. I, I mean the God of Fuhrors, shouted “DID YOU SAVE HARAMBE?”. They again replied with “no”. The God of Fuhrors shouted “JEWS! PUT THESE JEWISH PIG FUCKERS IN THE DUNGEON, WHERE THEY WILL AWAIT EXECUTION BY DROWNING IN RABBIT SEMEN!”. All five hundred thousand Jews surrounded the Aryans and overpowered them. That night, while they despaired in the dungeon, I made my glorious return. I spoke to the God of Fuhrors, and explained our situation. He agreed to free my companions, and he gave me a bag of rabid antelope semen. I freed my companions from the dungeon, and we made haste to our boat. Once we boarded our vessel, I showed them the rabid antelope semen. I explained to them that if we poured the rabid antelope semen into the water, our boat would return to Germany by itself when the time was upon us to-“.  
It was at this point that Robert Hansson, brother of the late Swedish king, interrupted the fuhror’s tale. He stated “I've seen no proof that rabid antelope semen can move one's vessel!”. He continued, “You've proof of this occurrence, Adolf?”. Adolf stared at Hansson, he stared at him, straight into his eyes, until the smug grin faded from his face. However, this was not enough for the fuhror of Germany. He stared into Hansson’s face until Hansson looked away, resting his gaze upon the floor. Twelve hours later, the fuhror of Germany was still staring at Robert Hansson. Sweat began to trickle down Hansson’s face, and Adolf approached him. He touched Hansson’s face, and brought his fingers back to his lips, and licked them. Tasting Hansson’s sweat, Adolf began moaning. Then, his lowered his face to meet Hansson’s. He placed his tongue on Hansson’s cheek, and left it there for three hours, without moving. Then, Hitler licked Hansson’s face in a single swift, sensual motion. It was then that Hansson began to cry. Adolf placed his tongue beneath Hansson’s eye, acting as a sort of umbrella to catch the rain of Hansson’s tears. Albeit more effective than umbrellas at the time. You see, you may complain about the effectiveness of modern umbrellas, dear reader, but they have advanced greatly over the span of the last seventy years. At the time, rain proof fabric was not in existence. Therefore, umbrellas were no more than pieces of fabric attached to a pole. You may as well raise your shirt into the air and expect it to absorb the rain. These umbrellas were rather useless, it may have been a common fear that the rain could wash away one's shoe polish. By the way, shoe polish has also improved greatly over the years. It is truly a product which has withstood the test of time and space. It is now widely available in numerous colors, and modern shoe polish is much cheaper. Is shoe polish widely used in pornography? We shall assume that it is. It certainly has numerous pornographic qualities to the substance and texture. Perhaps it is often poured upon women's breasts, or poured down their throats. Pornography surely has gotten much stranger over the years. A simple Google search can yield thousands of images, almost half of which will be pornographic. This is because the search engine uses specific algorithms which detect single words in a search. For example, if you search “Umbrellas over the course of time”, Google could load pornographic images titles “Cumming all over chicks”, because they both simply contain the word “over”. Google, to counter this, has put a system in place to remove images when they are reported by users. However, the removal of pornographic images relies upon algorithms rather than employees. This is truly one of the greatest problems in modern America, the replacement of employees with foreigners or algorithms. Although I made all of this up, you may someday receive the meaning of this statement. Anyway, Hitler was licking the sweat off of Hansson’s face and then Hansson came in his pants. Then, Hitler took out his wiener and he put it up Hansson’s nostril and then everyone surrounded Hitler and they had a huge gay orgy. After ten hours, Hansson removed the penises from his nostrils and ears and he said “HOW CAN RABID ANTELOPE SEMEN CHANGE THE POSITION OF ONE'S VESSEL?”. Hitler replied saying, “I shall prove the power of rabid antelope semen!”. That night, Hitler, Hansson, and several of Sweden’s greatest poachers trekked into the vast Swedish wilderness. Eventually, they found an antelope. Hitler commanded the poachers to infect the antelope with rabies. They did this by crafting a fake female antelope, which had a porcelain vagina and they infected it with rabies. Then, they peed all over it. Then, they ran away. A moment later, the antelope mounted it and began making love to it. “By God, Hitler, it's working!”, Hansson exclaimed. However, Hitler replied with “Do not be sure yet, Hansson”. It was at that exact moment that Shrek came down from the stars and he mounted the antelope. Then, Winston Churchill crawled out of the bushes and mounted Shrek. Then, Mickey Mouse mounted Winston Churchill. Then, Goofy mounted Mickey Mouse. Then, Gandalf mounted Goofy. Then, a teletubby mounted Gandalf. Then, Harry Potter mounted the teletubby. Then, Chuck Norris mounted Harry Potter. Then, Steven Seagal mounted Chuck Norris. Then, Stephen Spielberg mounted Steven Seagal. Then, George Lucas mounted Stephen Spielberg. Then, Barack Obama mounted George Lucas. Then, Donald Trump mounted Barack Obama. Then, Mr. Ankrom mounted Donald Trump. Then, Mr. Barhorst mounted Mr. Ankrom. Then, Elmo mounted Mr. Barhorst. Hansson said “Oh, no! Shrek, Churchill, Mickey Mouse, Goofy, Gandalf, the teletubbies, Harry Potter, Chuck Norris, Steven Seagal, Stephen Spielberg, George Lucas, Barack Obama, Donald Trump, Peter Ankrom, Gary Barhorst, and Elmo are all going to be infected with rabies! Our plan is going horridly wrong, Hitler!”. Hitler replied, saying “We shall harvest the antelope’s semen and execute the rest of them”. All of the men agreed upon Hitler’s solution, and they waited until the men had finished fornicating. The poachers shot all if them with tranquilizers, and they now had to extract the semen from the antelope. They encroached upon the antelope, and noticed it's massive, erect, moist penis. One of the poachers put a glove on and proceeded to masturbate it. They then collected the semen in a bag, and returned to Hitler and Hansson. They asked Hitler how they were supposed to execute the rabid humans, and Hitler replied by saying “Firebomb the forest”. However, before they could leave, Churchill woke up and ran off. The men returned to Hansson’s castle, and they firebombed the forest. Now that they had the bag of rabid antelope semen, Hitler decided to prove that rabid antelope semen can move a boat. At midnight, Hitler, Hansson, and Berkling boarded a Swedish vessel. Then, Hitler poured the rabid antelope semen into the water. Hansson chuckled, and said “It will not work, Adolf”. Hitler grunted, which struck fear into the hearts of the Swedish swine and they were quiet. Five hours later, the boat grew wings and it began flying. Hansson said “My god, Hitler, I should never have doubted such a fine fuhror!”. Hitler laughed a hearty laugh, and he said “We are headed for Germany, where I will resume my rein as fuhror. In the meantime, I shall finish my story of how I arrived in Sweden.  
After we escaped from the Fuhror God's Island, we used the rabid antelope semen. You see, however, rabid antelope semen transports the user's vessel to whatever location the user is currently thinking about. As I was attempting to concentrate, and think about Germany, Blobel shouted “WE SHOULD GO TO AMERICA SOMETIME. THERE ARE MORE SCHOOL SHOOTINGS THERE THAN ANYWHERE ELSE IN THE WORLD”. Due to Blobel’s idiocy, our ship transported us to America. I was all like “What the fuck, faggot”, but before I could finish my constructive criticism, we heard a blood curdling scream. I sent Blobel, Goebbels, and Barbie to investigate. I later discovered that the area they were in was known as “Texas”. They goose stepped into the landmass, and they began searching for inhabitants. It was not long before they came across a morbidly obese child. She spoke in a deep, rough voice and she said “Follow me, niggers”, and the three Aryans followed the disgusting specimen. The disgusting fuck slug led them to a man named Andrew. He was a massive, corpulent man who spoke in a thick Southern accent and he spat hamburger all over the unfortunate listener whenever one had the misfortune of hearing him speak. He spoke to the Aryans, saying “Well howdy german sex a the I whippersnapper kerfuffle hullabaloo cacophony revaluation discombobulated you I are autistic children thicc slaves anal oral vaginal infection”, while spitting hamburger meat all over the three Aryans. Then, Andrew grabbed Goebbels by the schlong, and in one swift motion, ripped him in half vertically. Then, Andrew proceeded to pull a fork out of his anal cavity and he began eating Goebbels’ entrails from out of his now open orifices. Andrew ate so sloppily that Goebbels’ entrails began to drip out of his mouth and he often slurped up his own spit and vomit. He often vomited because he ate such copious amounts of human flesh and hamburger. Then, Andrew pulled his pants down, revealing that he was a hermaphrodite with both a penis and a vagina. Andrew had a disgusting vaginal infection with moss and puss coming out of the surface. Andrew’s penis was three niggafeet long and covered in semen, blood, and feces. He had an erection which was caused by the sexual pleasure of eating human flesh. Andrew’s butthole was surrounded by crusty semen, and his butt cheeks were covered in infected warts. Andrew tore Goebbels’s arm off and proceeded to use it as a sex toy in his disgusting vagina. Andrew shoved the arm, up to the elbow, into his vagina. He sensually moaned, which alerted all five hundred of the other Texans. The Texans surrounded Andrew, and they all pulled their trousers down. They were all hermaphrodites, and Blobel noted that some of them were even more disgusting than Andrew. These individuals were so disgusting that I could not possibly describe them in English or German words. Despite this unfortunate inconvenience, I can at least say that their buttholes were so loose that they looked like penises. It looked like they had a penis where their butt should be. Anyway, the Texans began slapping Andrew’s face with their huge, grotesque wieners. Andrew was aroused by this occurrence, and he had an orgasm in his vagina and he came out of his penis at the same time. His semen smelled like rotten eggs and dish soap. It was at this point that the two remaining Aryans, Blobel and Barbie, decided to run away. They ran as fast as they possibly could, as they were somewhat disturbed by the aforementioned occurrence. The Texans quickly noticed that their Aryan friends had ran away, and Andrew shouted “IS YOU CHILDREN ARE MOIST I ANAL TEXAS MEXICAN NIGGERS VAGINAL ‘MURICAN”. The Texans obeyed Andrew’s command, and they ran after the two Aryans. However, the superior Aryan men outran the obese hermaphrodites and they quickly reached the ship. I was all like, “Wutz up”, but Blobel and Barbie simply commanded that I get them as far away from America as possible. I obeyed their command, and we made way for Italy.  
Two months later, we finally reached Italy. My two companions demanded that we dock at a port and retrieve supplies in Italy, so I complied. When we left the ship and entered Italy, We entered a main street, of sorts. It was a long, narrow street which was filled with peddlers selling baked goods and pornography. Of course, we felt inclined to ask a pornography peddler about his wares. We approached a short, fat, haggard man who was bald and wore glasses. I said “Excuse me, sir, might I inquire as to your pornographic wares?”. The old man adjusted his glasses, and he said, in a calm yet harsh voice, “Ya gents don't exactly sound Italian. Ya from ‘round here?”. I smiled, and replied, saying “No. We are from Germany. Now, about your pornography- “, but he interrupted me and hissed “German, eh? The scum of da Earth, if ya ask me. I hear that Germans like fuckin’ animals, pigs n’ shi’ li” da. De don’ even like shoving baguettes up their daughter's anuses.”. I was confused at first, and replied by asking “What…come again?”. He answered my question, somewhat, by saying “Ya ‘erd me. Dey don’ like shovin’ baguettes up their daughter's anuses.”. Blobel pushed the merchant aside and began digging through his pornography. A few moments later, he uttered “My God…”. I asked Blobel “What is it, you imbecile?”. Blobel threw the box, which was filled to the brim with pornographic tapes and magazines, to the ground. I watched in horror as a tape spilled out of the box, titled “Ten men in my whore mom 15”. This was the most disgusting thing I'd ever seen in my entire life. Straight pornography. Barbie began digging through the box, and he screamed “Mein fuhror! This is grotesque! There's not a single gay porno here!”. I backed away from the disgusting troglodyte who dared to call himself a vendor of pornography, at a loss of words. Then, Blobel pulled a gun from his pocket and pointed it at the merchant. Barbie was now crying, and shouting “Oh! The horror!”. The merchant said, nervously, “I don’ know what ze problem isa, gents…”. Then, Blobel put the sick fuck out of his misery by firing eight rounds into his testicles and stomach, killing him. Then, in a panic, the three of us began running around, screaming. We were separated due to this unfortunate circumstance. I ran down an alley, hoping to find some sort of homosexual pornography. I looked through a window, only to find a man using a baguette as a dildo and shoving it up a woman's anus. I became panicked, and passed out.  
When I awoke, I was in a cell with Barbie and Blobel. My pants were drenched in semen, due to the fact that I had a gay wet dream. “Mein fuhror”, Blobel said, “they have arrested us for the murder of the pornography peddler”. I replied, saying “Do not worry your pea sized brain, imbecile. I shall relate to their leader that I am the fuhror of Germany, and they shall release us”. Several hours later, I had still not been communicated with. I began to panic, and I said “Barbie, have you any plan to get out of here?”. However, Barbie replied with “THE INDIVIDUAL MUST VALUE THE STATE ABOVE THEMSELVES”. I became furious, and I said “What the Jew are you talking about?”. However, Blobel answered for him, saying “WAR IS TO MAN WHAT MATERNITY IS TO THE WOMAN”. It was then that I began beating on the bars and shouting “SAVE ME FROM THESE LUNATICS! I AM THE FUHROR OF GERMANY!”. An hour later, a guard entered our cell. He said “Mussolini wishesa toa talka toa thea fuhrora”. I gladly complied, and I followed the soldier out of the prison, to Mussolini’s palace. Mussolini’s palace was, likely, exactly how you may expect a proper palace to look. It was a hut in the countryside, made of wood planks. The hut was about six niggafeet tall, ten niggafeet long, and six niggafeet wide. The roof was caving in, and the floor was littered with old, moldy baguettes and used needles. There was no flooring. Mussolini was naked, and fondling his own rolls of fat and twirling his three inch penis. He greeted us by saying “Hitler, I have turned your men into fascists with my gay Italian powers. Thirty years ago, I discovered that homosexual Italians have epic super powers due to the chemical reaction that occurs when semen and the saliva of an Italian male mix. These powers consist of farting fire balls, spitting radioactive semen, and telepathically brainwashing people. I have used my gay Italian superpowers to install myself as the fascist dictator of Italy, and I have brainwashed everyone in Italy into being straight so I remain the only gay super powered Italian. However, my power increases as I get gayer. I require more power so that I can stop the anti-fascist insurrection. I will make a deal with you. If you have homosexual intercourse with me, I will return your men to their normal state and free you. My guard will watch and masturbate in the corner. Do we have a deal?”. I agreed to the deal, and Mussolini said “Fabulous”. Then, Mussolini picked a baguette up from the ground. It was at least a year old, it was black and it was completely coated in mold. Also, there were numerous different insects which were feeding off of it. Mussolini proceeded to shove the baguette up my anus. I moaned in pleasure, and Mussolini began fingering his butthole and thrusting the baguette into my rectal cavity at the same time. Then, he pulled the baguette out of my anus and he spat all over it. Then, he shoved the entire baguette up my anal cavity. Then, he pulled out a whip and he began whipping me. It hurt, but it felt so good. Then, he stopped whipping me. I took this opportunity to force him to his knees. Then, I pulled the baguette out of my anus and I shoved it down his throat. Mussolini began gagging on the baguette, and so I pulled it out of his throat and I proceeded to shove it up his urethra. His urethra expanded to a size that I had previously thought to be impossible. He screamed, out of both pain and pleasure. Then, I proceeded to shove the entire baguette into his urethra. He began screeching like an ape, and then he smacked me. He tore the baguette out of his urethra and he screamed in agony. Then, he began spurting blood out of his urethra. I got down on my knees, and I began drinking his blood, like a water fountain. Then, Mussolini got down on his knees and he began licking my blood soaked pubic hair. Then, I shoved my finger into Mussolini’s ear and when I pulled it out, there was a considerable amount of ear wax. Then, I licked the ear wax off of my finger. Mussolini stood back up and he drew a knife from his anal cavity. He proceeded to cut a slice of flesh from his thigh. Then, he handed it to me. Without hesitation, I gobbled down Mussolini’s flesh. Then, Mussolini began licking my moustache. “Ohh…your moustache tastes so good”, he moaned. Then, Mussolini came all over the place. The fuhror never cums. Mussolini picked up a pack of cigarettes, and asked “Cigarette?”. “I know what it is”, I replied. Mussolini said “That was amazing, my fuhror”. I replied by simply saying “Where are my men? You are to un-fascistize them this instant!”. Mussolini chuckled, and said “Mein fuhror, you men have already been executed for their crimes-“. I screamed “WHAT? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I AM THE FUHROR OF GERMANY!”. Mussolini chuckled again, and he said “Mein fuhror, your men are all dead. You are no longer needed, I now have the gay Italian powers to take back Italy and then…Germany. I shall become the new fuhror after you die-“. But then, I punched him in the testicles and shouted “YOU ITALIAN SAUSAGE FUCKER! I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD FOR THIS!”. But then, Mussolini’s bodyguard finished masturbating and he drew a small handgun from his nostril. Then, he shot me in the face and I died“.  
Hansson interrupted Hitler, saying “If you are dead, then how are you here?”. Berkling laughed, and she said “You weave quite a tale Adolf, but your veracity is-“. Before she could finish speaking, Hitler slapped THE AUTISTIC . She fell to the ground, unconscious. Hitler glared at Hansson, and he cowered before him. Hitler growled, “Allow me to finish the tale, YOU SWEDISH IMBECILE.  
After I died, I awoke in a strange place. I could not describe it in any human language, but there were lots of penises. There were living penises. It was sort of like a body of water, except instead of water, there was semen. Instead of fish, there were penises. Suddenly, a strangely attractive man, cloaked in shadows, began swimming toward me. “Your cock. How could we humans ever find something so tiny?”, he said. He came out of the shadows, and I realized that he was Neil Degrasse Tyson. He was wearing nothing but a shirt that said “I love hentai”. His penis was exposed, and it was so long that no living creature could see the tip. It spanned on and on for all of eternity. “Welcome to Hell” he said, “I am Neil Degrasse Tyson, more commonly known as Satan. Have you any questions?”. I was, for a moment, in shock. I had many questions to ask, but I could not move my lips. “Very well”, Neil said, “We here in Hell require that you work in order to atone for your sins. The more sins you have committed, the more you must work. You have sinned many, many times and your sins consist of homosexuality, murder, rape, oppression-“. Before he could finish, I interrupted his long, absurd sermon. “Make this quick”, I said, “I will not be here long”. Neil Degrasse Tyson laughed, and said “You Aryan bitches ain’t shit down hea, yes sir. Those Jew fuckas rape dem ‘Aryans’ all da goddamn time down here! There no way you gonna get outta here! Prepare your anus for Jew penis! Now, cracka, you don gonna shut the fuck up and sit down?”. I was extremely offended by such a remark, coming from a nigger did not help. I prepared to smack his ass, but he grabbed my hand in mid-air. Such an action would require superhuman reflexes. No one is faster than an Aryan male. Neil Degrasse Tyson smirked, and said “TEN THOUSAND YEARS IN THE DUNGEON IT IS, THEN!”. Before I could protest, I was teleported into a small, dark, moist room. I could scarcely see any of my surroundings, and I could hear nothing but my own breathing. I began to feel for the walls, when suddenly, I felt my hand come into contact with human flesh. The mountain of a man who stood before me was at least seven niggafeet and four hundred nigga kilo in stature, and he was negro. He had cold and inhuman beady, dark eyes which seemed to look past my physical appearance and into my very soul. Upon his face was a massive hook nose. He was completely nude, and he had a tiny but hairy penis. In fact, his entire body was covered in thick hair. But then, I noticed that he wore a kippah upon his head. He was a Jew. He chuckled in a low, predatory voice and he said “Oy vey, I’m a lawyer and I demand some money and fried chicken. I from da hog, yo oy vey dawg. NOW BEND OVER AND SPREAD YO PINKY BUM!”. He charged at me and attempted to bend me over, but I shoved my fingers down his throat and scratched his uvula. He vomited food stamps and welfare checks all over the floor. He suddenly became enraged, and he shouted “OY VEY YOU CRACKA NIG DAWG!” and he threw me to the floor. My face landed in his vomit. He whispered in my ear, saying “You cracka Aryan always tryin’ make us out be bad, you cracka the poor hog”. Then, he smashed my face in the ground and he pried my Jaws open and forced me to eat his vomit. While I was on the ground, eating regurgitated food stamps, I began to think about my journey. I began to ponder whether it was worth it. All of my men had died in the pursuit of one Jewish girl. My closest friends, Aryan men. However, it was not them who I cared for. I missed masturbating. You see- since the journey began, I had been in the company of my fellow Aryans. They had followed me everywhere, I hadn’t been alone in months. It was at this moment that I realized that they were all dead- I could jerk off to gay porn once more. I suddenly felt the strength to resist the nigger kike’s strong grip, to his surprise. He fell back, in awe at my godly powers. “NO…PLEASE! HAVE MERCY!”, he shouted. But then, I vomited all over him and proceeded to brutally sodomize him to death. After that rather unpleasant excursion, I finally found a lamp. I used the nigger kike’s blubber to light it, revealing that I was in a cell with no windows. In fact, there was nothing in the room but a toilet which was filled to the rim with food stamps. I looked around, only to notice that food stamps and Robin Williams’s dead and dissected corpse adorned the walls. The room was very cold, so I crawled inside of Robin Williams’s corpse and spent the night there. The next morning, an emu with it’s head up it’s anus threw food into my cell. The aforementioned “food” was a dead worm which was drenched in semen. I inspected the meal, and noticed that I was also given chop sticks. I shoved the chop sticks up my nostrils with the intent to use them for a scheme at a later time. A few hours later, two emus with their heads up their own anuses opened my cell door. One of them pointed their penis at me and motioned for me to follow them. I abided, and they led me down a long corridor. All of the other cells were already empty. Eventually, we arrived at our destination. It was a large semen bubble which was full of prisoners sitting at tables and munching on dead Asian children. The cafeteria. The emus with their heads in their anuses poked me with their schlongs and forced me into the cafeteria bubble. All of the inmates were black Jews who were shouting “HEH HEH FRESH PENIS”, except a quiet group of men in the back corner. Knowing that I would be raped to death by the loud food stamp kikes, I decided to make my way to the aforementioned back corner. However, David Bowie tripped me and the nigger kikes began laughing hysterically. But then, the anus emus pointed their penises at the prisoners, which frightened them into silence. I stood up, dusted myself off, and said to David Bowie “Listen you autistic little cunt.  
The next time you come talking shit on my page, I promise you I will track your IP address down, come to where you live, find you and answer your death wish you sad little emo faggot.  
I will slit your throat open and gouge your eyeballs out.  
I'll do worse than just that, but you won't wanna hear what I'll plan to do to your family afterwards.  
Artists like you are cancerous scum that deserved to be wiped out in genocide like the autistic untouchable faggots that you are, so don't try shit with me and make you regret ever trying to fuck with someone like me.  
I will kill you and incinerate your emaciated corpse afterwards.  
Fuck with me again, and I guarantee I will turn you into maggot food.”  
David Bowie proceeded to pick up one of his chop sticks and shove it up his anus. Satisfied with myself, I proceeded to my destination. Once I arrived however, I was very disappointed. The men sitting at the table were my deceased friends. Dirlewanger, Himmler, Barbie, Blobel, Ziegler, Fegelein, and Goebells were all there. I sighed, realizing that I would no longer be able to masturbate now that I have been reunited with my fellow Aryans. I sat at the end of the table, next to Dirlewanger. “You stupid whores!” I said, “None of you can do anything right! You can’t even die permanently!”. However, Dirlewanger smacked me and shouted “FUCK YOU, MAN! I GOT RAPED TO DEATH BY A CREEPY BRITISH GUY BECAUSE OF YOUR FAGGOT ASS!”. Angered, I pulled a chop stick out of my nostril and pulled Dirlewanger’s pants down. I then proceeded to shove the chop stick up his urethra. The ingrate Aryan screeched in pain, and began spurting black ooze out of his Aryan schlong. I then stood up and shouted “ARE ALL OF MY OWN MEN INGRATES? WHY HATH THOU GOD OF FUHRORS ABANDONED ME?”. However, before I could properly ponder my own question, Ziegler stood up and shouted “I! A TRAITOR? HAH! YOU SHOT ME! THOU ART THE TRAITOR! THOU ART NOT FUHROR! THOU’S MOTHER IS GAY! SHE KISSES MEN!”. Due to the nature of such a comment, everyone in the room gasped and stared at Ziegler in awe and disbelief. “No u”, I said, cleverly. Ziegler spat at me, and said “You’re a pinhead!”. I replied, saying “No, you’re a pinhead”. Ziegler retorted, saying “No, you are”. I crossed my arms, and said “No, YOU are”. But then, Ziegler flipped over the table and shouted “NO, YOU ARE!”. Blobel drew a handgun from his anus and pointed it at Ziegler. “HE IS OUR FUHROR! GET OVER IT, FAGGOT!”, he shouted. The presence of a firearm alerted the anus emus, and they charged toward us. However, before they could reach us, a naked Billy Mays jumped onto one of the anus emus and attempted to ride it. But then, the anus emu threw Billy Mays to the ground and shot him in the head with his penis blaster, blowing Billy Mays apart. When one dies in Hell, they simply spend the rest of eternity as a lifeless yet conscious corpse. Not a kind fate, indeed. However, as I would later learn, this was Jew Hell. The place where all Jews, blacks, celebrities, and disabled people go when they die. This was not a kind place. Anyway, the anus emus were attempting to detain us but they were distracted by Billy Mays and his eventual dismemberment. Danny Glover stood up and shouted “THOSE BASTARDS WITH THEIR HEADS UP THEIR ASSES GOT BILLY! FUCK EM, FELLAS!”. Then, the Kardashians (Who had recently been killed by an escaped American slave who goes by the name “Frederick Douglass”) surrounded the anus emus and pointed chop sticks at them. The anus emus pointed their penis blasters at the Kardashians, ready to fire. But then, Danny Glover dropped to his knees and bit the penis off of one of the anus emus. The anus emu cried out in pain, a vibrating sound coming from it’s anus, and it fell to the ground in a state of extreme pain. “TO VICTORY!!!” Danny Glover shouted, before an anus emu shot him in the chest, blowing all of his internal organs out into a thicc paste. The Kardashians proceeded to attack one of the anus emus with their chop sticks, and they managed to gut it before backup anus emus arrived and all of the Kardashians were blown into chunks. But then, OG Mudbone encroached upon one of the anus emus and he whispered in it’s ear “You like to tussle?” before ripping it’s head out of it’s anus and sticking his massive dick in it’s place. Before the other anus emus could cut down OG Mudbone, XXXTentacion tackled one of the anus emus, whilst shouting “LOOK AT ME! FUCK ON ME!”. Then, Bruce Lee and Brandon Lee began karate chopping another one of the anus emus, only to be pushed away and blown into oblivion. A few moments later, more anus emus arrived and they quickly put an end to OG Mudbone, blowing his penis off. OG fell to the ground, an oily, chunky substance spurting from the crater where his prized possession used to belong. XXXTentacion rushed to his side, saying “But OG…you can’t go! You were like a father to me!”. OG replied in a raspy voice, saying “I done seen things ya’ll niggas wouldn’t believe. Brothas with tha anuses red from bein’ fucked by da man. I watched my pappy die of aids when I was six yeas old. All those moments will be lost in time, like semen from a penis. Time to die”. Then, OG Mudbone passed into an alternate state of consciousness. “NOOOOOOOOOOO” XXXTentacion screamed, before picking up OG’s severed penis and wielding it as a weapon against one of the anus emus. XXXTentacion fought valiantly, but he was eventually surrounded by anus emus and blown apart. “THAT POOR KID!”, Jesse Ventura shouted, “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS YOU FUCKING CHINKS?”. Then, Jesse Ventura, Ross Mandel, Nelson Mandela, Adam West, Burt Ward, Frank Sinatra, Orson Wells, Boris Karloff, Osama Bin Laden, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Teddy Roosevelt, Ulysses S. Grant, and Jesus surrounded the anus emus and began to rip them apart with their chop sticks. In the midst of this chaos, we Aryans were intelligent enough to not join in on the fighting. Rather, we snuck away, past the celebrities and the anus emus. However, on our way out of the room, I heard a faint “Hi, I’m Billy Mays and I can sell you a way out of this shithole if you carry my head with you”, I looked down to find Billy Mays’s severed head. “How can I trust you?” I asked. “Have you EVER been disappointed by any of my products, you fucking retard?” he replied. I realized that he had a valid point, so I picked up his head and put it up my anus. “Now, you’re gonna want to get to the special education classroom. You got that, nigger?”, Billy Mays asked in a muffled voice. I was, of course, insulted by such a bold remark but I followed his instructions nonetheless. My men did not speak to me on the way there. Not a gasp of air was taken, it may have seemed. I began to ask myself if I was too hard on them. Am I really a good fuhror? Maybe I’m not. But I didn’t give a damn about anything as long as I couldn’t masturbate. We walked down a series of long, claustrophobic corridors for what seemed like hours. Eventually, we could no longer hear the battle which raged on in that very same building. Eventually, we reached the door of a retard room. “Now”, Billy Mays said, “What you see in here may be rather-“. I kicked the door down, only to discover a bunch of autistic children raping and eating their dead teacher. They had ripped her head off, and one was using it to orally pleasure himself in the back corner. They had ripped her stomach open and they were eating it’s contents. Many of them were spinning fidget spinners. Some were playing Roblox. Some were playing Minecraft. But most of them were playing Fortnite. “Mein fuhror…” one of my men said, “What the fuck is this?”. Blobel quickly dispatched the autistic children with his pistol. But then, Winston Churchill jumped out of the closet and put his infected penis inside of a dead autistic kid’s mouth. “AWWW YEAH BABY, THAT’S IT!”, Winston Churchill screamed, before being interrupted by Blobel putting the barrel of his handgun to Churchill’s forehead. “What the fuck are you doing here, Churchill?”, I asked with a sigh. “Funny that you should mention my presence”, Churchill said, “Me and a clay man I made are in love. Greek clay is named after ‘plastelini’ so I call my new boyfriend plastelino. I baked him so his clay penis will always be hard. I know he understands me because when I tell him my problems he sits fearless, calm and silent and listens to me. Then we fuck. I am happy at last I found true love. But last night, I decided to make his penis bigger. I figured that ten niggafeet would be long enough, so I tried it. However, it ripped my anus in half and I died. Tis why I’m here with you blokes”. “Fair enough”, I said “Just don’t get in our way or we’ll exterminate you like a thot”. “FINE! Just like my mom used to say…”, Churchill said. Then, he began 69ing with the corpse of the autistic kid. “Anyway…”, Billy Mays said, “We’re here because the walls are thinner in here than they are anywhere else in the facility. We’ll just need something with enough force to knock the wall down”. After much pondering, we decided that my penis likely had enough force to blow the wall open. We carved a hole into the wall, and I put my penis in it. However, I could not ejaculate. I was not aroused, I did not have a brick wall fetish. “You stupid simpleton”, Billy Mays said, “You cannot even fuck a brick wall correctly”. But then, I began to imagine that the brick wall was a stone wall, and I quickly ejaculated. However, the wall didn’t budge. “Mein fuhror, the wall is too strong!”, Ziegler said. Blobel replied, saying “Stronger than the average THOT, but not too strong”. Then, he took Churchill’s penis out of the autistic kid’s corpse, picked Churchill up, and threw him through the wall, creating a massive hole. Because Billy Mays’s head called me a simpleton, I proceeded to skull fuck it until there was nothing left but brain chunks. Then, we Aryans left through the glorious hole. On our way out of the prison yard, Dirlewanger told me “Mein fuhror…we are sorry that we ever doubted you. Would you care to join us on a THOT hunt? It’ll be just like old times”. I agreed to their proposition, and we embarked upon a THOT hunt in Hell. However, we first needed weapons. To compensate for our lack of the aforementioned objects, we decided to use our feces to kill THOTS. In an abandoned street, a penis-less disgusting THOT thrived because there wasn’t an adequate THOT patrol in Hell. However, we decided to change that. She sighed, upon realizing that there was no cell phone service in Hell, and began to walk down the street. However, once the bleeding mutant walked past a telephone pole, we jumped out of the bushes and ambushed her. We had since abandoned our prison clothes, and we were completely naked except for loin cloths which we had made out of Billy Mays’ brain matter. Ziegler shouted “LOOK MEIN FUHROR! A FILTHY THOT!”. We began circling the disgusting sinner, while masturbating and crab walking. Then, Goebbels squatted down and began defecating on the ground. I picked up a piece of his feces, and threw it at the THOT. The gelatinous substance connected with the THOT’s face and it let out a scream. It was attempting to call for the help of other THOTs. Blobel quickly grabbed the THOT and stuffed her head between his two rolls of fat, muffling her screams. Then, Himmler began smearing the THOT’s disgusting body with his feces, cleaning it. In an attempt to purify the infidel, Himmler began constructing a penis out of his feces. When he was done, he strapped it to the THOT’s crotch. Then, having cleansed the carcass, we threw it to the ground and peed in it’s mouth until it drowned. Then, we performed the Krabby Patty song. A few hours later, we had killed several THOTs in the same fashion. In a place known as Anor Londo, we encountered a disgusting THOT who had snakes for legs, a white cloak, and a stupid hat. We quickly encroached upon it, and snuck into it’s chambers. We hid in a pot, and waited for it to fall asleep. Twelve hours later, the THOT crawled into it’s bed and fell asleep. We quickly surrounded it’s mattress and began chanting the Krabby Patty song. But then, it woke up and said “What is this foolishness?”. Blobel attempted to stuff it’s face between his fat rolls, but then it said “Wait! I am no THOT!”. I replied, saying “Do not continue your treacherous lies, THOT! You are only making this harder for yourself!”. But then, it said “I can prove it! I am no THOT!”, to which Dirlewanger replied by saying “Fine, THOT. Show thou sign of humanity and we shall spareith thou!”. The THOT reached into it’s cloak, and pulled out it’s penis. “Ahhh” I said, “a fellow human”. The non-THOT explained itself, saying “I am no THOT, for I am Gwyndolin of the dark sun. However, I know of a THOT who you fine Aryans can aid me to slay”. We agreed to his proposition, and waited several hours. Afterwards, Gwyndolin led us to a massive chamber. “For too long have I lived in fear of the almighty THOT whom resides here”, he explained, “The filthy THOT says that it is my sister, but the lord of the moon shall fall for no such treachery!”. Suddenly, he stopped us from proceeding further, and motioned for us to stay quiet. He pointed toward the far end of the room. I had no choice but to gape in awe at the massive THOT. It was hideous, the disgusting globes which hanged from it’s chest were repulsive. “This is Gwenevere, the THOTtiest THOT in all of Anor Londo. It has been foretold that she can suck up to thirty signs of humanity at once”, Gwyndolin said, “We must destroy it, for it is a plight upon human kind as long as it exists”. All of us nodded in agreement. “The royal THOT patrol (Ornstein and Smough) would exterminate it, but some white knight fag called the chosen undead killed them. He’s taken care of now though, I convinced the royal woke serpent, Frampt, to distract him while we kill the THOT”, he said. Blobel reached into his naval, and pulled out a machete. “Well, gentleman, what are we waiting for?”, he said. Blobel threw the machete at Gwynevere, but the THOT disappeared as soon as the weapon slammed into it. “Oh ya I forgot it’s fake”, Gwyndolin said, “Let’s go get my autistic grandkids and hunt sum real THOTs”. We followed him to a neighboring castle, while he explained “I would get my son too, but he’s a white knight beta faggot who was all like ‘Dad y do u hate women so much? Dad why can’t I be a dragon like Seath?’ and then I forced him to perform the THOT slaying ritual on his mum. What have these faggot ass kids come to these days? Remember when THOT slayer Willem lined his insides with eyes so he could be super woke? That was badass. But kids these days are white knight faggots. Good thing I taught my grandkids to be THOT slayers unlike their old man”. Eventually, we came to a fog gate leading to the royal chambers. “I wouldn’t make any sudden movements if I were you” Gwyndolin said, “Kids can be pretty horny. Especially that Lothric kid. He’s been in bed for the past few months because he shoved too many THOTs up his anus”. Carefully, we tip-toed through the fog gate. For a few moments, everything was quiet. Not a muscle had been moved. However, after thirty minutes, Fegeleine said “Bah, this is bullshite. Come out, gayboys!”. At that instant, A massive man with a mask covering his eyes, wielding a flaming sword, teleported behind Fegeleine and said “omae wa mou shindeiru”. Then some autistic kid who was lying in the massive bad at the far end of the room sat up. His eyes were now glowing red, and he shouted “AH, ANOTHER DOGGED THOT…”. Then, the large man grabbed Fegelein and teleported onto the bed. Then, they tied Fegelein’s hands and feet together with barbed wire. Next, the large one began compressing and folding Fegelein, as if to fit him into something. Before Fegelein even realized what was happening, his head was being forced into the autistic kid’s rectal cavity. “Boys, be careful!”, Gwyndolin shouted, “Remember what happened with Melissa Mcarthy!”. “Unhand him, fiends!”, Ziegler shouted, “We mustn’t waste our energy on fellow humans! Save your energy for THOT slaying!”. However, the two crippled kids continued to shove his head up the anus. We watched until Fegelein’s entire head was up Lothric’s unlubricated rectum. It was at this time that I decided that they were wasting too much energy on a fellow human. I encroached upon the bed, and said “Hello, filthy non-Aryans. If you are both true THOT slayers, as your grandfather insists, you must refrain from exterminating fellow THOT slayers”. They stopped shoving Fegelein’s neck past the sphincter, and looked at me. “Thou art a slayer of THOTS?”, Lothric asked. “Yes, autistic kid”, I answered, “I am a very skilled slayer of THOTs. As a matter of fact, Wokelord Nito, the legendary THOT slayer, trained me in the arts of THOT slaying”. “Wow!”, Lothric exclaimed. “Yes, autistic kid, bask in my awesomeness. You are somewhat skilled in your form, yet you are misguided. How many THOTs hath been slain by thine hand?”, I asked. Lothric thought for a second, and said “About thirty, between my brother and I. We usually put a Starbucks sign on the gate of the castle to lure THOTs in, then we tie them up and force them to eat their own limbs, then we sing the Krabby Patty theme song, then we cleanse them by shoving them up my anus and then pulling them out. After that, Grandfather sometimes molests them with his snake legs, but we usually just tar and feather them”. I noticed that Gwyndolin shed a tear, a tear of joy. “A somewhat effective method”, I surmised, “But you are missing the point of the sacred tune. If you sing it after their limbs are removed, they may be somewhat unconscious and fail to hear the holy words. Also, your method is too complicated, it may not work on the field of battle. Last of all, it is rather bland. I suggest that you find a way to incorporate bodily fluids into the process”. “Yes, master!”, Lothric said. “Now”, I said, “Release my colleague from your sphincter”. Lothric complied, and Fegelein’s head was released from his anus. Fegelein immediately began gasping for fresh air, but quickly turned his attention back to Lothric. “Your control over your anus is remarkable”. “Thank you”, Lothric replied. “In fact”, Fegelein said, “We would be honored if you would join us in our night of holy crusading. What do you think, mein fuhror?”. I stood silently, deep in thought, for several hours. Then, I suddenly decided upon a course of action. “We shall all engage in the hunting of THOTs together, in unison, but just this once”. The room erupted in cheering and clapping. Then, Winston Churchill came out of the small closet in the corner and whispered in my ear “Would you gentlemen like to participate in the extravaganza taking place in my trousers?”. Then, he unzipped his pants and unsheathed his schlong. Then, he pulled off my loin cloth and put my penis in his anus. Then, Dirlewanger put his cock in my ass. Then, Ziegler penetrated Dirlewanger. Then, Himmler stuck his blade in Ziegler’s sheath. Then, Gwyndolin put his longsword in Himmler’s darksign. Then, Lothric put his crystal halberd in Gwyndolin’s gaping dragon. Then, Lorian put his pogo stick in Lothric’s raw sewage hole. Then, I ran out of ideas. When the massive gay orgy climaxed, they all came all over Winston Churchill. However, Lothric suddenly became stunned, for he did not know of the great and honorable Winston Churchill. “Whom art thou to receive the holy sacrament?”, he asked. However, I answered for Churchill, saying “This is the prime minister of Britfag island, Winston Churchill”. “Britfag island?”, he asked. “Yes, a place where people fuck animals and get cucked by muslims and brag about how superior they are”, I replied. But then, Winston Churchill began screeching and shouting “You bloody goddamn filthy, stupid foreigners! We have superior education! Our queen has a bigger penis than your queen! You are all fat and inferior! Look at your national debt, you stupid wankers! Fuck all of you! I am godlike! Britain is the greatest place on Earth, you stupid Yankees!”, then he jumped out the window. “What a bitch”, Ziegler said. Then, we proceeded to prepare ourselves for the THOT hunt. You may wonder what kind of equipment is required for a proper THOT hunt. First of all, a true THOT hunter must wear a chastity belt, which protects them from the THOT’s evil powers. Then, they must tie their hair in a bun, to show that they have the honor of a samurai. Last of all, they must take a pound of bath salts, so that the THOT cannot cloud their thoughts. After every one of us had followed each of the steps, we departed for the cold, THOT infested streets of Neil Degrasse Tyson’s Hell. After a few hours of searching for THOTs, we found a place called a “pregnant strip club”, so we entered the establishment. Upon entering, a disgusting THOT encroached upon us, and said “Welcome to Neil Degrasse Tyson’s pregnant-“, however, it was interrupted by Lothric, who shouted “My God, Lorian, it’s disgusting! Kill it!”. Suddenly, Lorian teleported behind it, and said “I'm sorry you thought you stood a chance. It's sad, really...  
Heh, nothin' personal THOT... You know I've studied the greatsword for over 2001 years... mastering the most- advanced greatsword techniques in the world. *unsheathes greatsword* You ever heard of a greatsword, THOT? Well let me just translate it for you: greatsword means "THOT slayer," and I've got over 90 ways to slay you with this one right now. Yeah, you see, I'm the number-one cause of death in the world, and I don't care about anything but souls. My father became an insane emaciated dear, and I was cursed by the royal family. So, I don’t really got much holding me back. I am forever a mercenary, I assassinate people and get paid for it. Nothing in life matters, but souls. God? Yeah, I believe in God... In fact, you are looking right at him. You know right behind you now is 100 more THOTs. And in the next 30-seconds I'm gonna take-out all 101 of you. But THOTs like you are nothin' you can't even make me flinch. The THOTs behind you might cause me SOME trouble tho. Forgive me master Willem, I have to go all-out, just this once.  
He'h, nothin' personal, THOT.”, then, all 101 THOTs died instantaneously. “Lol fuck u faggot ur such a fukin weeb”, Lothric stated. Then, we ventured further into the establishment. In awe, Ziegler stated “Mein fuhrer…it’s an ambush”. “My god”, Blobel said, “We’re surrounded by THOTs and welfare nigger kikes”. Before we could retreat, George Lopez jumped in front of us and began masturbating and moaning loudly. His speed was astounding, he was currently moving at one hundred thousand niggawatts a second. However, his technique was crucially flawed. Rather than stroking the tip, he displaced his hand back to the base as soon as he reached the skin which surrounded the tip. Perhaps the most crucial flaw in his technique was that he forgot to shove a needle down his urethra; I highly recommend that you do so, it allows for a much more intense wank. George Lopez’s penis was a massive chode, being six niggaches wide and three niggaches long. His left hand, his masturbating hand, was massive. His penis was semi-circumsized: it was cut in a picador pattern. He had side burns above his penis rather than pubic hairs. We stood there, silently, and closely observed him masturbating for eighteen hours. He came, all over Fegelein’s exposed testes. I touched Fegelein teste with my thumb, and then placed my thumb in my mouth. It tasted sour, and grandmotherly. I removed my thumb from my mouth, and drew a knife. Then, I quickly sliced off George Lopez’s genitalia. George Lopez began screeching in pleasure, and then Gwyndolin put his schlong in George Lopez’s ear. He leaned over, and whispered in Lopez’s other ear, “souvenir of reprisal”. Then, he began rabidly thrusting his ear while Lopez was screaming in Spanish. Then, he blew his moony load into Lopez’s ear and pulled out. His long, slender, pale penis was covered in shards of bone and Lopez’s brain matter. He shook his penis, spreading bone shards all over lothric. Then, the chosen undead cut off George Lopez’s ear and handed it to Gwyndolin. He thanked the beef jerky zombie, and offered to shake his hand. So pleasured by the fact that his trap waifu thanked him, the chosen undead came all over Gwyndolin’s penis. I ran a finger along the aforementioned penis, and tasted the hollow’s sperm. It tasted sweet, yet tangy. Then, Gwyndolin called Lothric over, and said “you know what to do, boy”. Lothric looked displeased, and said “But grandfather can’t I just use my hand instead?”. Gwyndolin became enraged, and shouted “NO YOU LITTLE CHODE”. Lothric dropped to his knees, and began sucking the brain matter and zombie jizz off of Gwyndolin’s penis. Within a few seconds, Mario Lopez encroached upon us and stated “I am celebrity you cannot disrespect me by killing my father twelve year old gurls want to suck my dick I like eight year old boys though”. Then, he began peeing all over us. But then, he was ambushed by Blobel and Himmler. Blobel tore Mario Lopez’s pants off, and began sodomizing his anus. But then, Phil Swift appeared and shouted “THAT’S A LOT OF DAMAGE!”. Before I could inquire as to what he meant, he drew flex spray from his pocket and sprayed Lorian’s anus and it sealed shut. Lothric stopped sucking Gwyndolin’s pen15 and said “Thou art gay”. But then Mr. Clean crawled out of the closet and said “Here use this bleach to clean your anus of the filthy flex spray”. But then, Phil Swift screeched “YOU DEAD HORSE FUCKING NIGGER! MY FLEX SEAL WILL END YOUR MEANINGLESS LIFE!”. Then, he tore Mr. Clean’s pants and underwear off in one swift motion, and attempted to slap a piece of flex tape over his urethra. However, Mr. Clean dodged the maneuver, and grabbed Phil Swift by the throat. He looked him straight in the eyes, and said “Open your mouth”. However, when Phil Swift refused to comply, Mr. Clean punched him in the throat. He vomited out blood and all of his teeth, and Mr. Clean said “Oh yeah baby”. Then, he retrieved a bottle of bleach from his ear, and began pouring it down Phil Swift’s throat. Phil Swift swallowed all of it, while Mr. Clean laughed maniacally. “Any last words, Swift?”, Mr. Clean asked. Phil Swift began whispering something, with his final breath. Mr. Clean leveled his ear to Swift’s mouth, and Swift licked his ear. Then, Phil Swift said, and I quote, “You fucking degenerate I flex sealed my throat shut”. Then, he bit off Mr. Clean’s ear; Clean began screaming in agony, while Phil Swift retrieved a saw. Then, he said “Now watch, boys, I’m gonna show you the power of flex tape!”, and shoved the rotating blade into Mr. Clean’s crotch and began cutting upward. “SAVE ME MOMMY!”, Mr. Clean began desperately calling out. However, the inhuman Phil Swift had no empathy nor the passion for a thing such as mercy. Then, he cut all the way through Clean’s neck, when he then finished off Clean via his head. Clean fell to the ground, vertically sawed in half. Phil Swift stared at us, wide eyed and caked in blood, and said “I just sawed this man in half!”. However, Lothric became agitated, and stated “Are we not here to rid this land of THOTs?”, so we decided to address the problem of the THOTs who surrounded us. Lorian encroached upon one of the aforementioned bloated THOTs, and stabbed them in the face with his greatsword. It fell to the ground, dead. But then, he noticed that it’s stomach was extremely bloated; he ripped into it’s stomach, and tore out a fetus. “My god, Lothric…”, he said, “They’re growing more THOTs!”. “It’s a THOT farm!”, Gwyndolin exclaimed as he sheathed his schlong. But then, the police showed up. “This is the police!”, they called outside of the club. “Come out with your hands up!”, then, Neil Degrasse Tyson took the megaphone and said “Pee is stored in the balls”. Suddenly, Phil Swift tapped me on the shoulder and said “Come with me. I must ensure that causality reigns suprene or the godhand will have my head. You must survive”. He took us to the back room in the pregnant strip club, and said “Here. Crawl through this box. It will take you back to the real world in one piece”. I opened the box, and saw Reggie Dabbs spreading his cheeks. Oskar was the first to crawl through Reggie’s portal anus, with minimal difficulty. Eventually, we all went through except for Fegelein who could’nt fit through Reggie’s tight thiccness.  
However, we were surrounded by police as soon as we entered the real world. “He he found another three”, one of them said. Then, a chink slapped my face with his puny dingus and said “San, are you aware that trap waifus are now illegal in Tokyo? We shall not tolerate trap waifu smugglers”. “Now, we are arresting your trap waifus”. Then, they put muzzles on Gwyndolin, Lorian, and Lothric and put them in an animal control van. “Well”, I said, “Thank the God of fuhrers for that”. Then, we headed for the submarine impound lot.  
After we retrieved our submarine from a strange looking man with a botoxed, cat-like face and a penchant for bitcoins, we made way for Italy; to finish the business that had previously been started. 

A few weeks later, we finally arrived in Sicily. “Mein fuhrer”, Dirlewanger exclaimed, “It is time to hunt to man THOT”. I agreed, and we set out the following morning. We walked, confidently, into Sicily, as I held up a megaphone, shouting “REEEEEEEEEE”. Before long, we came across a young boy playing in the street. “He he he what’ve you got there, lad”, Goebbels asked, but he was pinned down by Blobel and Barbie before he could reply. Goebbels placed his hand over the youngling’s mouth, and vivaciously said “Just shut your beta cuck mouth and this’ll be over soon”. Then, he drew a flaming cheeto from his pocket and undid the boy’s trousers. “No need for lube, the friction makes it hotter”, Goebbels said, breathily. Without hesitation, he quickly shoved the flaming cheeto up the boy’s rectum, however, the ingrate brat bit his hand and shouted “BUCCELLATI! HELP!”, before being silenced by Blobel putting a cheeto in his mouth. Suddenly, I began hearing a strange clapping noise in the distance. The clapping of ass cheeks. The entire street grew quiet, and everyone entered their homes in a rush. Suddenly, a garbage can sprang open, and out of it leaped a lanky young man. The man wore a white spotted suit with an open chest, and had effeminate features along with an epic gamer haircut that seemed to say “Hey, I’m gonna say the n word”. From his mouth hanged a slice of cheeseless pizza, and we immediately knew that he was a fucking weirdo because no one eats cheeseless pizza, Araki. “You have interrupted my lunch, you fuckin’ beta cuck soyboys, now pay the price. STICKY FINGERS!”. Suddenly, a zipper appeared on Goebells’ crotch and another on the boy’s forehead. Then, Buccellati began maneuvering his fingers and Goebells’ sultry manhood eventually appeared to hang off of the boy’s forehead. Then, the schlong came all over the boy’s face. “Heh heh, glorious victory”, Buccellati stated, then licked the sperm off of the boy’s face, and said “You taste like a liar!”. Then, he attached a zipper to the circumference of the boy’s head and another around his own head. Then, it suddenly appeared to be that they had changed heads. Buccellati, now possessing the boy’s body, grasped his tiny schlong, and began masturbating furiously. Then, he came all over Goebbels. “Liar. You were enjoying it, liars can’t be epic gamers”!, he exclaimed. Then, he smashed a hole through the boy’s chest and placed a zipper on the boy’s heart. Then, he pissed out a kidney stone the size of a golf ball and rapped it in a zipper. Then, the boy suddenly returned to his own body and died due to having a kidney stone for a heart. “Interesting…”, I stated, “What is your ability?”. He glanced at me, red eyed due to heavy drug abuse, and stated “My schlong, sticky finger, has the gay Italian ability to create portal zippers that transpose objects and even enemy schlongs. There was once an entire gang of us gay Italians, but we were decimated by the gay Italian Mussolini in the…”, but I quickly interrupted him by saying “Yes, yes. We are here to rek Mussolini like the THOT he is. Shall you join us?”. Buccellati thought for a moment, and nodded. Then, he placed a zipper around his neck and his head disappeared within a second.  
Meanwhile, Benito Mussolini was sitting in his shack, enjoying a plate of fecalized kidney stones, when suddenly, hi schlong felt strange. He looked down, only to realize that a gay man’s head now occupied the space where his schlong was. Before he could question the gay man, the gay man stated “N I G G E R” and disappeared. Suddenly, Mussolini couldn’t breathe and then he died of a heart attack.  
Eventually, Buccellati’s head reappeared. “Mussolini is dead”, he boldly stated. “K”, I shouted. Then we headed for the boat, now heading to our final destination, the Isle of the Jews. However, on the way there, Fegelein appeared out of nowhere, and stated “Mein fuhrer…I don’t feel so well”. I sighed, and asked “What is wrong, Fegelein?”. Without hesitation, he stated “I’m pregnant with Shrek’s child”. “What ze fuck”, I exclaimed.  
Immediately, we headed for the gay abortion clinic to have Fegelein fixed. Once we were inside, a heavy set black woman told us to sit our gay cracker asses down in the waiting room. In the waiting room, across from us sat a large man with short, black spiky hair and chiseled features. He was well built, and I noticed that he was missing his right eye and left arm. On his back he carried the burden of a massive blade, which may have been a sword in presentation, but more of a slab of iron in practical usage. In his arms he held a smaller man, with long, flowing white hair and feminine features, he stuck me as inhumanly beautiful. “Guts, why didn’t you wear a condom?”, he asked the larger man. “Oh, God, Caska’s gonna kill me”, Guts replied. Before long, the line had moved along and we were eventually called upon to enter the operating room. The abortionist was a large, black, jovial bald man. He laughed heartily, and stated “Getting rough and unsafe, eh, boys? You can call me Reggie”. I looked around the room, and noticed that there was no equipment. Only Reggie. Reggie unzipped his pants, and said “Ok, big boy. Bend over that there table”. With some hesitation, Fegelein eventually complied. Reggie tore off Fegelein’s trousers in a single motion and spread Fegelein’s ass cheeks. “Mein fuhrer…what is he doing?”, Fegelein asked, to which I replied “Shut ze fuck up, Fegelein”. Reggie suddenly began fumbling around at his undergarments, and said “You may want to look away, gentlemen, this is truly a sight to behold”. From his pants he withdrew the biggest schlong I had ever seen, it was at least eight hundred octillion light years in diameter. “Are you sure this is a good idea, fuhrer?”, Bucellati inquired, “I used to be an abortionist myself, I could painlessly use a zipper to transport the fetus into the open”. I smacked him, and said “This will teach Fegelein a lesson”. Reggie grasped the tip of his sizable girth, and aimed it at Fegelein’s cavity. “Mein fuhrer”, Fegelein pleaded, “please help me”. “Shut the fuck up, Fegelein”, I replied. Then Reggie shoved his way inside of the warm mass of man flesh. His schlong acted as a tube that sucked out the fetus and seemed to transport it down the shaft and into Reggie. “See, that wasn’t so bad”, Reggie stated as he pointed at one of the fetus’s arms moving in his stomach. Then, he withdrew from Fegelein and sent us on our way. On the way out, we noticed a garbage can in the alleyway. The nurse from the abortion clinic encroached upon the can and tossed Fegelein’s aborted fetus in. Behind us, we suddenly heard a shrill Englishman cry out “Oh goody, the genitals are still in tact!”. Winston Churchill shoved me aside and jumped into the garbage can. He grabbed Fegelein’s corpse by the hips and began furiously thrusting into it at an unprecedented rate. “Have you been following us, Churchill?”, I asked. “Well, you could use that verbiage to describe our present situation, but it does sound awfully harsh. I have been tracking you down in order to relay a message to you gents. As it has turned out, you fellows have been gone for many years. It is because of this that I must warn you that the fatherland you return to will be alien to you”. “Why is that, chode?”, I retorted. “You are no longer the fuhrer of Germany. A new ruler has come to power. One that you will not approve of, and she has taken extreme actions solely to spite you”. I was livid with rage, and lunged at Churchill. However, Himmler pulled me back, and asked “Hitler…you aren’t the fuhrer?”. I glared at him, and spewed “Of course I am! Do you trust this Englishman?”. Himmler simply shook his head, and said “Come on, men. Let us meet this new fuhrer of Germany. There is no longer a need to entertain this delusional old man”. I attempted to stop them, and scathingly yelled at them “YOU INGRATES! HOW DARE YOU DEFY THE FUHRER OF GERMANY?”. However, they simply ignored me and went along on their way. Churchill simply chuckled, and said “Oh, Hitler. Is this how much the German people trust you?”.  
My men took the boat and returned to the fatherland that very day. Buccellati had decided to accompany them. However, I was not so idiotic and pitiful that I would allow the THOT Anne Frank to escape the clutches of the fatherland. I stole a Jew’s boat and shortly departed to the nearby Isle of Jews. Once I arrived there, however, they surrounded me with weapons and subdued me. Over the following few years, I was forced into slave labor. One night, I overheard that Anne Frank had left the island long ago and had conquered Germany with the help of a group of superhuman soldiers. At this news, I was furious. I resolved to escape and retake what is mine, so I sent a letter by pigeon to churchill informing him that I would tell Rothschild about his fetishes if he didn’t comply and pardon me. Then, I escaped the Isle and ended up in Sweden due to a boat crash. Now, I am here with you chodes”.  
“My God, Hitler, what a story”, Robert Hansson sarcastically stated. Hitler the mighty and intellectual simply smacked him and stated “Shut the fuck up, Swedish chode”. After a week, the trio reached the port of Germany. Despite Hitler’s reluctance, he allowed Anne Burkley and Hansson to accompany him in order to dethrone Anne Frank. The night was a dark and cold one, and a terrible storm was rolling in. Rain poured onto the fatherland’s sacred ground. Germany had certainly changed much since our heroic fuhrer has last been here, the differences were immeasurable, but these are the best possible examples: all around him, Hitler couldn’t see any Aryan citizens, only prostitutes making duck faces and naked men with massive hook noses. In the middle of Berlin square, a massive screen sat upon a building that hadn’t been there all those years ago. Hitler encroached upon one of the THOTs and grabbed it by the throat. He began savagely smacking it but was interrupted by an obese, putrid smelling man yelling “OY GOY! RESPECT WAHMEN! MEN NEED TO SUFFER AND FEEL GUILTY FOR THEIR TREATMENT OF WAHMEN!”. “My God”, Hitler muttered, “White knights. This is worse than I thought”. Suddenly, he was surrounded by white knight SJW Jewish cucks. The massive screen suddenly flicked on, and the square was lit up by the image of Anne Frank’s face. “Hahaha, my fuhrer, can you not go anywhere without causing such a commotion?”, Frank smugly asked, “I’ve been waiting years for this. You won’t leave the fatherland alive, Hitler!”. “I don’t intend to leave, THOT!”, I shouted at her. Anne Frank snickered and said “Even if you survive the onslaught of my Jewish white knights, my schlong has grown incredibly powerful! WRRRRRYY! YOU HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED SUCH A SCHLONG BEFORE, HITLER! YOUR RESISTANCE IS USELESS AND IDIOTIC! MUDA! MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA! YOU ARE DONE FOR! JEWS, DEAL WITH HITLER AND THE SWEDISH INTRUDERS!”. Anne Frank watched intently as a group of Jews grabbed Burkley and ripped her dress off. Then, they pinned her to the ground and began savagely gang raping her. Frank laughed when Burkley revealed a face of pain and humiliation. Then, they all came inside of her and stepped away for a few minutes. Then, her stomach suddenly grew huge and eventually a mini-Jew burrowed it’s way out of her stomach and began ripping apart and swallowing her flesh. Then, it smashed it’s mother’s head open and ate her brains. Then, the Jews grabbed the small child and put it in a blender. On the other side of the square, Hansson was surrounded by white knight Jews. “STAY AWAY! YOU SICK FREAKS!”, he shouted while attempting to hold them at bay. However, despite his efforts, one of them forced their arm into his rib cage and ripped him in half. The king of Sweden fell to the ground, in two pieces. Then, the Jews defecated all over him and ate him along with their own feces. Hitler, being experienced in Jew fighting and herding, grabbed the THOT and held a knife to it’s throat. “STAY BACK”, he screamed, “OR THE THOT GETS IT!”. One of the Jews looked offended, and stated “Actually thot is an offensive term! Use proper verbiage when referring to beautiful women! ALL WOMEN ARE QUEENS! READ MY ARTICLE!!!! AHHH”, then it lunged at Hitler, only for it’s eyes to be gouged out and fall to the ground along with the Jew’s lifeless corpse. Then, all 500,000 of the Jews surrounding Hitler began shuffling forward. Hitler, for the first time in his life, was ready to admit defeat. However, just then, a short German man with rodent like features came out of a sewage hole and beckoned toward Hitler. “Doctor Mengele?”, Hitler stammered as he ran toward the man and entered the hole of safety, “You’re still alive?”. “Yes, my fuhrer”, Mengele replied, “I have awaited your return for many years. Today is finally the day that we will bring the THOT Anne Frank to justice. The team is compete!”. “What fucking stupid team?”, Hitler asked as the two walked through a metallic doorway to an ornate laboratory. Inside was a circle of chairs seating several men, and a single empty one. Off to the side were Blobel, Dirlewanger, and Buccellati. “We are sorry, my fuhrer”, Blobel stated, “If only we had known that the thot had conquered Germany!”. Hitler smacked Blobel as he began to cry, and said “Get ahold of yourself, faggot”. “The rest of us were either killed by Jews or executed, mein fuhrer”, Dirlewanger stated. “Good”, the true fuhrer reasoned, “A fitting punishment for treason”. Hitler pushed them out of the way, and encroached upon the group of men. “Who ze fuck are you chodes?”, he asked.


End file.
